I hate the word “overeating” - here’s why
“Over” what exactly?
Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash
If you ask any of my clients, past or present, they’ll tell you how much I care about the language we use - towards others and towards ourselves. One of my favorite quotes is “The words you speak become the house you live in” (by Hafiz) that is, the language we use becomes our perception. And while it might seem like nit-picking, it makes all the difference.
Let’s take the term “junk food” as an example. Let’s say someone ate 2 packs of Skittles candy and mentioned it later with a friend. Consider the two different ways the person could describe it:
“Ugh, I feel so guilty. I ate SO much junk today and I feel awful about it.”
“Oh man, I ate a couple of packs of Skittles earlier and I’m feeling a little bad about it. But they tasted so good!”
Did you notice a difference? Here’s the thing: we are more sensitive to the words we choose than we like to think. When you see food as “junk” and consume it, you’re going to think you’re not so great for eating “junk.” If you frame it as a sweet treat it’s still a true statement, however, there is no inherent shame embedded in the meaning. Why does that matter? When we feel ashamed we tend to feel pretty low about ourselves and shame never inspires long-term change. (What does? Compassion - read more about that here.)
Let’s bring this full circle with my beef with the term “overeating.”
Not only is this term also laden with shame, but it seems to establish that there’s an objectively “right” amount of food to eat and that you are eating past that amount, which is, supposedly, bad.
Right out of the gate, this is a little silly considering how different everyone’s nutritional needs are. When my clients tell me that they “overate” I almost always ask them what they mean. Understandably, most often their answers include either a comparison to others or an arbitrary “should” they drew in the sand (ex: “I shouldn’t eat 5 Oreos.”).
What gets left out? Anything about how their bodies felt, how hungry they were, or what they were feeling beforehand/during. And those answers are the more important ones when exploring your relationship with food!
“I overate today and I hate that I always do this. Why can’t I do anything right?”
VS.
“I had such a busy day at work I didn’t have time to eat lunch. So when I got home from work, I immediately grabbed a handful of Oreos.”
“I had a rough day emotionally and Oreos sounded good to me.”
See how the last two remarks show us more about what’s going on whereas the first led us into a brick wall of shame? That’s the impact of language!
So the next time you realize you’re about to stumble into a “should” statement or use a judging word to describe your experience, consider pausing to be curious about that thought a little more. Call it “Shame Spiral Prevention.” :)